Worst of both worlds

My friend, JQ (being proud to be retarded), invited me to Jordan, arguing that that their variety of Arabic is closest to the modern standard version (or classical Arabic; later I learned that his MSA or classical Arabic was deficient – perhaps as bad as his English). However, I had no reason to travel to Jordan as I did not know a good centre where I could study the Arabic language. In the end, I chose to start my journey in Alexandria, Egypt where I would learn the Egyptian dialect, which made sense to me as the Egyptian dialect dominates the Arabic-speaking world.  However, JQ had an operation on his eyes and since Jordan is almost next door to Egypt thought I should make a short trip there.  I first met him back in 2009 and we had stayed in touch almost ever since.  I suppose visiting him seemed like the moral thing to do. When I arrived in Jordan, my friend wanted me to stay for longer, but (due to past experience) I was afraid of the people.  However, he convinced me that I should stay longer and he promised to take care of me.  In the end, due to medical treatment, I had no choice but to stay a little longer. My Jordanian friend started to refer to me as his elder brother, but in the end, I realized that I was being used.  All he wanted, was for me to spend my money in Jordan and to tell him that Jordan is better than Egypt. His friend, HS (also proud to be retarded), managed to convince me that it was a waste of money to book an additional ticket to fly home and that it was logical to learn the language from the country where the people speak it.  I replied that there was an issue with this. In what centre would I study in?  Also, she had complained about daily life in Jordan and so why would I want to spend any time here.  She then suggested that since I had not spent Ramadan in Jordan, then I should do so. (As if it made any positive difference to a foreigner). Trouble was that I never found a centre that could do justice to my education (until it was too late).  My friends were actually unconcerned about my education or my future career.  And my wealth was diminishing very fast.  True, I worked in Jordan too, but that was not enough to sustain the money I’d saved previously.  Then I also had to make a choice between work and study.  Most times, it was not possible to do both at the same time.  Had they told me about a good centre to study in, which also would not break the bank, then Jordan could have worked out for me (considering all the time I had spent there).  But they did not, but simply kept referring to a hypothetical centre… Furthermore, when I told my Jordanian friend (JQ) how one of the teachers at the TAFL center (in Alexandria) had abused me, he almost started laughing (as in – you want to return to those bitchy racist people, who do not even give you your rights as a student in their centre).  And that’s all he did.  Then I felt silly about the prospect of returning to Egypt, but where would I study?  I did not come to Jordan for a holiday or for work. To stay in Jordan I needed clothes for the winter.  It does get very cold in Amman.  While the summers are like that in Asia, the winters are like that in Europe.  Some of my clothes had been damaged in Alexandria and some I had been forced to leave behind.  My Jordanian friend took care of that by recommending poor-quality or expensive shops (for example in City mall where they were usually both poor-quality or expensive). It’s almost like some people are ashamed of central Amman even though they know that the best deals exists there and not in City mall.  Perhaps the reason being that it looks more like a traditional high street.  It is also the sort of place where you feel that you have arrived in the Middle East where you do not find McDonalds and Burger King (as opposed to Western Amman). Eventually I was fortunate that one of my teachers at Ali Baba informed me about shaaria itale near central Amman, which is a great place for buying shoes.  Closer to Western Amman, is the souk sultan (behind Medina street near the Jordan University). My friend also once recommended a restaurant (in City mall) where I got food poisoning and then suggested that I have a weak stomach.  Eventually, I realized it must have been the Shaninah (yogurt type drink) this time.  I could share that thought with him, but then, as I later realized, everything in Jordan was good (he wanted me to believe). He also said we would visit sites, e.g. hiking, etc, but we never did. There were other let-downs too… It was a confusing time for me.  On one hand, I wanted to return to Egypt to finish my studies and return home, but on the other hand, I felt traumatized by the prospect that a teacher might wish to abuse me after welcoming me to the centre.  In addition, I still feared the illness I had suffered as a result of cat flea bites and I became really hung up on accommodation issues.  I also remembered how the GP and the skin doctor in Alexandria were not able to cure me and gave me somewhat mis-leading advice (not purposely of-course).  Consequently, my condition turned (unbearably) worse. My Chinese contact in Alexandria added another level of complexity to the story, by suggesting that Jordan is better in teaching Arabic and that I should consider an alternative location such as Tunisia, which had become a stable democratic nation (or so we thought).  In his opinion, Egypt was volatile and just was not worth the investment. I had planned everything for my return to Egypt, but the level of anxiety I was experiencing was over-whelming!   To the point my body was shaking at the time (whenever I sat down in front of the computer to book a ticket).  Sometimes I’d have negative images of biting insects going through my mind.  I could not call my Jordanian friend as he had stopped talking to me (see below) and out of embarrassment I would not call my friends nor my mother in the UK (but I should of).  I had already discussed the pros and cons of going to Egypt and was not sure what else to say to them.  In the end, I did nothing. On a previous trip to Jordan, I had become concerned about the racism (of some of the West Bank Jordanians) and xenophobia (of some of the East Bank Jordanians), but my friend had assured me that this issue was really from a minority of people.  Due to his upbringing, in which he and his brothers had suffered discrimination from some of his own relatives on his father’s side (by virtue of his mixed heritage), I did not think he could be racist.  His father was of East Bank origin (‘Jordanian’) whereas his mother of West Bank origin (‘Palestinian’).  I really thought he was different and possibly unique.  Partly through him, I had a positive future view of Jordan.  In fact, whilst in Amman I felt like I was someplace in England.  It seemed like an organized city as compared to Damascus. However, over time it became clear to me that my friend was a nationalist and worse: our friendship was secondary to his nationalism.  His good treatment towards me may have been (and his bad treatment towards me may also have been) for a higher cause (in his mind).  Perhaps studying Arabic in Egypt was, for him, a rejection of the people in Jordan. Another annoying thing I experienced in Jordan was that some of the East Bank Jordanians would tell me that they were the original people and then the others arrived and things got complicated.  A strange claim since the first administration of the first king, Abdullah I, actually included Syrians, Palestinians, etc.  Also, some of the Circassians would say that before they arrived, Jordan was barren and lawless and that they started the foundation of the country and that it was through them that the kingdom was established.  Also a strange claim since some of the Palestinians say that before they arrived, there was nothing but desert and that they built Jordan! In actuality, initially, the King’s ambitions extended to all of Palestine and Syria.  He was interested in ruling over a multi-ethnic and multi-faith society, but the super-powers, at the time, had made other plans. Furthermore, when I looked around, what I saw were Egyptians doing the building work.  Their situation was similar to how the South Asians dominate the construction industry in Dubai, but with better work conditions I think.  Or at least it’s not common for them to work under the Sun when it is 50 degrees Celsius (as they do in Dubai) or have their wages withheld – almost indefinitely. Another one I heard was that Palestinians and Jordanians speak a dialect different from each other.  In my experience, yes and no.  There is also a difference between town and country, north and south, so it is not that simple.  I wonder what the Circassians speak? Some also claimed that the Jordanian or Palestinian colloquial is closest to the modern standard or classical Arabic.  Even if it is true, any beginner to Arabic will never understand a Jordanian conversation. Even once I was told that Jordanians and Palestinians speak modern standard Arabic.  They definitely do not.  Even mothers speak to their children using colloquial. I think there are some people in the world who need to talk less and work more for everybody’s benefit (as well as their own).  They should also stop making false claims and deliver on their promises. My friend asked if I wanted to marry a woman in Jordan and I said that a long time ago I use to know some nice girls in Jordan and once thought that this is how I’d want my future daughters to be (sweet, humble, hard-working and committed to traditional values), but because of racism I would be wasting my time trying to marry an Arab lady.  However, he claimed I was mistaken and eventually I believed him. I also told him that I reckoned I might have a better chance in Pakistan and in fact was thinking of studying Urdu there after I was done with the Arabic studies (never happened).  Also, that I wanted to travel to China to learn Chinese and that I really missed my Turkish friends and wanted to learn Turkish (none of this ever happened). My Jordanian friend also introduced me to the concept that marrying an Egyptian girl is a bad idea.  The analogy he gave is a woman standing in the middle of a room screaming her head off.  I told him that he was wrong to say this as he was generalizing about a population of a 100 million.  Furthermore, I told him that I found their personalities very interesting, but had not spent sufficient time in Egypt to understand the people properly.  I found them very diverse and they were still a mystery to me. On two occasions, my supposed Jordanian friend stopped talking to me.  The first time for a month and the second time he has not spoken to me since.  At the time, I could not figure it out and somewhat blamed myself.  More recently, I realized that just before the first time I had been discussing the possibility of returning to Egypt.  Whereas the second time, I really did travel to Egypt. Since my so-called Arab friend was of half-East Bank (Jordanian) heritage (on his father’s side) and half West Bank (Palestinian) heritage (on his mother’s side), I once joked with him, but I meant it, that he had the best of both worlds.  Furthermore, that he could be a maker of peace and unity between the Arabs.  However, eventually, it appears his only interest is pretending that there is no difference between Palestinians and Jordanians, whether that is in ideaology, ethnicity, language or culture, and had no interest in thinking of Egyptians as equals to his own ‘people’.  In the past, he used to prefer his Palestinian relatives, but now claims his Jordanian relatives are awesome.  No doubt there has been an upgrade here, but I cannot tolerate his racism (quite prevalent amongst West Bank people in Jordan) and xenophobia (quite prevalent amongst East Bank people of Jordan), especially as it has impacted my own well-being.   A true friend would of protected me from both retarded and negative forces. As if my friend in Jordan was not bad enough (or real enough), then when I finally did return to Alexandria, I soon realized that my Chinese ‘friend’ was also out to use me 😦 Is that what friendship is all about (exploiting each other)? Without a doubt, I had some great experiences in the Middle East too, but 30,000 dollars later I sometimes wonder why I was really there?  It appears that over time, and going from one crisis to another, I had forgotten my original priorities.

إذا رأيت نيوب الليث بارزة … فلا تظنن أن الليث يبتسم

If you saw the fangs of the lion showing out, never think the lion is smiling. Do not be deceived by looks.  (https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-beautiful-Arabic-sayings-and-their-meanings).